Where Do You Run?
Where do you run when life doesn’t go as planned? What things do you turn to for comfort and stability when everything around you feels chaotic? When you can’t make sense of your circumstances, who do you turn to for wisdom?
Some people seek comfort or escape in alcohol and other consumable (and sometimes illegal) substances. Some look to their social circle — spouse, friends, romantic interests, online acquaintances, etc. — for advice, distraction, or justification. Others double-down on their own skills and abilities, believing they “have what it takes” to overcome the situation and emerge victorious, all on their own power.
My friend, I hope you see the folly in all those options. Placing your hope and trust on a shaky foundation, especially one of your own making, will only end with more trouble than when you started. The answer isn’t to numb or avoid the pain; it’s to seek out your Creator, the only one able to remedy its cause.
Can I tell you a personal story?
My late twenties were, to put it mildly, no walk in the park. In a span of six years, my mom died suddenly, my remaining three grandparents all passed away, I married and divorced, developed rheumatoid arthritis (a stress-induced autoimmune response after mom died), moved four times, started a business that ultimately flopped, and lost my closest and longest-running friendships in an intense moral and spiritual disagreement. Unlike many women who dread their 30th birthday, I couldn’t wait; I was beyond ready for a fresh start.
And then one evening, in the fall after my 30th birthday, I noticed a knot in my right breast.
Worry, anxiety, and an incomprehensible number of “what ifs” hit me like a speeding train. I’m normally a calm and pragmatic girl, but that night I melted into a panicked puddle of tears. I remember crying to God, “What else are you asking me to walk through?? I can’t handle any more!!” After everything that had happened the last few years, was breast cancer really in my future, too??
Though I’d placed my faith in Jesus at the age of 19, worldly distractions had clouded my vision and disoriented my walk with Him for several years. I was now divorced and alone, sitting on cracked foundations. Even so, I knew there was only One I could turn to. I knew I needed a word directly from God. So I flipped open my Bible.
It fell open to Psalm 91.
I read the whole chapter, line by line, slowly. I felt my fears begin to dissipate. With each passing line, I could hear God’s still, small voice reminding me of His promises. As I read the last few verses, I melted into an even bigger puddle of tears, but this time the tears flowed not from fear but from relief and love:
“Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him, And shew him my salvation.” — Psalm 91:14-16 KJV
In that moment, God told me this knot of tissue I’d discovered would not be the end of me. He reminded me He knows me and He sees me.
He asked me to trust Him.
Decision time. Do I continue to marinate in the “what if’s,” letting worry over things out of my control, in fact, control me? Do I wallow in the pit of depression and despair at all the tragic turns my life has taken recently? Do I drown my sorrows in wine or something else equally detrimental?
Or do I trust Him, without knowing anything about the path He will lead me down?
Many times in my life, I made the wrong choice. God, however, was using my moment of panic, combined with all my recent tragic life events, to herd me — His wayward sheep — back into His fold. In that moment I chose to trust Him. Even if He asked me to walk through cancer, I was willing to follow Him through that valley. He is trustworthy. He loves me. He has always been faithful to me, even when I haven’t returned that faithfulness.
I’m happy to report God did NOT ask me to walk through cancer. The knot (and the identical one that showed up a few months later on the opposite side) turned out to be hardened tissue caused by years of hormone use (meaning the 20+ years of insulin shots for my Type 1 diabetes) and likely triggered by the physical and emotional stress of my recent divorce. Mammograms and biopsies were the worst of my experience.
(To be clear: other times He has asked me to follow Him through the dark valleys. He delivered me out of the path of cancer, yes. Other situations, however, He’s allowed me to experience fully... but always with Himself in control.)
My friend, what do you turn to when life gets overwhelming? I pray you’ll choose to run to Him, the only refuge (Psalm 91:2) able to shield you from the enemy’s attacks, the only fortress built upon things eternal. Run to Him in prayer, and trust Him for both the journey and the outcome.
“I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust.” — Psalm 91:2
